Christmas eve

Its Christmas eve, but where have I gone. I look back at emails and letters from last christmas and I can scarce recognize where I am from where I have been. I think my life is good but at times like these I hardly recognize it as my own. So many points of familiarity are gone, loved ones lost, things I've needed to adapt to. I realize that in growing you change but I had hoped that I would retain some continuity. I'm still not steady on my feet and I wonder if I will be as long as I remain as I do. Sometimes I think that if I moved back home I could grasp parts of what I lost again, but as I found out last year, the home you leave is not always the home you return to.